


meme gorls and haethers

by HarleyBoo, semuelita



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Martha is best mom, Multi, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trash Fic, aaron has a samsung, caddy is very enthusiastic, damian and aaron are dads (tm), dont take this seriously, g a y, groupchat fic, karen is best mom 2, martha is pure, nose hate, trans damian hubbard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 12:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarleyBoo/pseuds/HarleyBoo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/semuelita/pseuds/semuelita
Summary: blease dont take this seriouslyinspired by the other mean girls and heathers text fics, we love them <3





	1. Primordial Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> Cady - caddy  
> Janis - gaylien  
> Damian - gaymian  
> Regina - Queen_Bee  
> Gretchen - fetchdiscoball  
> Karen - orandge  
> Aaron - aaron  
> Veronica - whatsurdamage  
> Heather McNamara - macandcheese  
> Martha - fluffywingedunicorns  
> Heather Chandler - cornnutsandchainsaws  
> Heather Duke - moby_duke

_gaymian has added caddy, gaylien, Queen_Bee, fetchdiscoball, orandge, aaron, and fluffywingedunicorns to a group_

_gaymian has renamed the chat to Chaos_

**gaymian:** hey guys

 **gaylien:** gays*

 **gaymian:** shut up

 **caddy:** bis*

 **aaron:** humans*

 **gaylien:** exuse you

 **gaymian:** i hate you all

 **Queen_Bee:** Why did you make this?

 **fluffywingedunicorns:** hey damian!!

 **gaymian:** hey martha

 **gaylien:** ?? whomst’ve’d

 **gaymian:** martha is my cousin farm

 **gaymian:** fam*

 **caddy:** hi martha! nice to meet you

 **gaylien:** hi

 **aaron:** hey farm

 **aaron:** come meet my farmily

 **gaymian:** >:(((

 **aaron:** >:-)

 **Queen_Bee:** Who puts a nose on a smiley face?

 **aaron:** me binch

 **orandge:** shuoldnt every face have a nose

 **gaylien:** karen,,,,,

 **gaylien:** sweaty,,

 **gaylien:** WHY

 **gaymian:** now everyone say your name  >:((

 **Queen_Bee:** My name is Regina George.

 **gaylien:** your need for punctuation makes me sick

 **gaylien:** i’m j anis  >:V

 **caddy:** !! CADY !!

 **aaron:** cady CHILL

 **caddy:** no

 **caddy:** now it’s your turn

 **aaron:** do i have to

 **caddy:** yes

 **aaron:** <\--

 **caddy:** : fine

 **fetchdiscoball:** i’m gretchen, nice to meet u martha!

 **fluffywingedunicorns:** nice to meet you guys!!

 **orandge:** my name is karen :-)

 **aaron:** :-)

 **gaymian:** oh also

_gaymian has changed aaron’s username to nosesshoulddie_

**nosesshoulddie** : w hy

 **caddy:** rt

 **gaylien:** rt

 **fetchdiscoball:** rt

 **Queen_Bee:** RT

 **orandge:** :-o

 **orandge:** i like the nose

 **gaymian:** ew

 **fetchdiscoball:** karen we love u sweetie you’re doing great

 **orandge:** <3

 **gaylien:** wait i have a better idea

_gaylien changed nosesshoulddie’s username to air-bud_

**air-bud:** thanks i hate it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaron yOU ' R E L A ME
> 
> THERE IS NO DAMIAN  
> J U S T I T A L I C S


	2. More Children Have Been Gathered (aka mac and ronnie join)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> n y o o m

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cady - caddy  
> Janis - gaylien  
> Damian - gaymian  
> Regina - Queen_Bee  
> Gretchen - fetchdiscoball  
> Karen - orandge  
> Aaron - air-bud  
> Veronica - whatsurdamage  
> Heather McNamara - macandcheese  
> Martha - fluffywingedunicorns  
> Heather Chandler - cornnutsandchainsaws  
> Heather Duke - moby_duke

_Chaos, 3:23 pm_

**fluffywingedunicorns:** hey guys can i add some of my friends!?!

 **gaymian:** gays*

 **gaylien:** oh so before you were annooyed by it but now you’re using ir??

 **caddy:** bis*

 **air-bud:** cady,,, WE G ET IT

 **fluffywingedunicorns:** guysss :((!!

 **fluffywingedunicorns:** can i pl EASE just add my friends!?!

 **gaymian:** i’m ok w/ it

 **gaylien:** uhh sure

 **caddy:** morE FRIENDS!??!1/!?1/!?!?

 **air-bud:** okay ig

 **air-bud:** CADY C H I K L

 **caddy:** chikl

 **gaymian:** guys,

 **gaymian:** chickl

 **gaylien:** you mistYPED

 **gaylien:** THE TY P O

 **gaymian:** s H u t The hell Your Mouth

 **gaymian:** im too gay for thsi

_fluffywingedunicorns has added whatsurdamage and macandcheese to the chat_

**fluffywingedunicorns:** say your names and read up in the chat for theirs because they took a long time :(!!

 **whatsurdamage** : dehfjgsvbd veronica

 **fluffywingedunicorns:** where’s mac!?!

 **whatsurdamage:** in the bathroom

 **fluffywingedunicorns:** MACARONI MACARONI!!

 **whatsurdamage:** GIVE ME THE HEATHERONI

 **macandcheese:** i have been summoned

 **macandcheese:** i’m heather! :)

 **orandge:** :-)

 **gaymian:** KA R E N

 **air-bud:** the noses shall RU EL

 **gaylien:** the nose apocolypse

 **caddy:**  H I F RIE DNS

 **air-bud:** cady scares me

 **air-bud:** and i DATED her

 **fetchdiscoball:** hey have you guys seen karen

 **Queen_Bee:** Yes, she’s at my house.

 **fetchdiscoball:** give me five minutes

 **gaylien:** ew punctuation

 **orandge:** hiii :-3

 **fetchdiscoball:** nyoom

 **orandge:** oh guys ;-D

 **fetchdiscoball:** oh right, we have an announcement!

 **Queen_Bee:** Are you two finally dating?

 **fetchdiscoball:** …

 **orandge:** yES :-DDD

 **whatsurdamage:** i don’t even know you guys but like i ship it

 **macandcheese:** awwee

 **caddy:** CONGRATS MY CHILDREN DSBEJRN

 **air-bud:** cady,,,,,,,,,, C H I LL

 **gaymian:** chikl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK AT OUR GALS
> 
> WE LOVE THEM


	3. Do Noses Have Bugs?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> s k i p p i n g
> 
>  
> 
> also a tiny bit of cursing, beware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cady - caddy  
> Janis - gaylien  
> Damian - gaymian  
> Regina - Queen_Bee  
> Gretchen - fetchdiscoball  
> Karen - orandge  
> Aaron - air-bud  
> Veronica - whatsurdamage  
> Heather McNamara - macandcheese  
> Martha - fluffywingedunicorns  
> Heather Chandler - cornnutsandchainsaws  
> Heather Duke - moby_duke

_Chaos, 2:58 am_

**whatsurdamage:** do bugs smell

 **macandcheese:** ron ron what

 **gaymian:** it’s 3 am what the actual fuck

 **gaylien:** i mean theres stinkbugs and i think most smell if theyre in trouble or somethign

 **whatsurdamage:** bu t CAN they smell

 **whatsurdamage:** do theyh ave noses

 **gaymian:** do bugs have noses

 **gaymian:** GOOGLE I NEED YOUR WISDOM

 **macandcheese:** wouldnt we see them

 **gaymian:** google has blessed me with knowledge

 **gaymian:** “Insects don't have noses the way mammals do but that doesn't mean they don't smell things. Insects are able to detect chemicals in the air using their antennae or other sense organs."

 **whatsurdamage:** tH ANK D AMIA N

 **macandcheese** : ronnie go to BED

 **whatsurdamage:**  b UT HE AA THER

 **whatsurdamage:** yOU’Re aW ak E

 **macandcheese:** i don’t pit my phone on mute at night

 **macandcheese:** iwas woken up by fireflies by owl city blasting from my phone

 **gaymian:** I CO N IC

 **macandcheese:** you wo ul d no t bel ie ve your e yes

 **whatsurdamage:** IF TEN MILLION FIREFLIESSSSSS

 **gaymian:** LIT up the w o r l d  a s i f e l l a s l e e p

 **air-bud:** go to sleep you useless walnuts

 **gaymian:** R UDE

 **whatsurdamage:** yes dad

 **macandcheese:** goodnight dsjn,fm

 

_Chaos, 9:15 am_

 

 **gamyian:** i hate mondays

 **gaylien:** it’s wendsday

 **caddy:** sjdgm, shjdnfm, class

 **air-bud** : she’s intelligent she swears

 **caddy:** binch

 **orandge:** guys, should i wear a pink dress or a pink vest today?? :-T

 **caddy:** SCHOOL STARTED 2 HOURS AGO MY PRECIOUS CHILD

 **orandge:** oops

 **air-bud:** wear the vest

 **Queen_Bee:** Wear the dress, Karen.

 **fetchdiscoball:** grab the vest and run to class

 **orandge:** i cant run in heels :-(

 **fetchdiscoball:** just hurryb dbhjf

 **Queen_Bee:** WEAR. THE. DRESS.

 **gaymian** : rip regina, majority rules. wear the vest karen

 **gaylien:** damian yesterday: ew punctuation

 **gaylien** : damian now:

 **gaymian:** R U DE

 **whatsurdamage:** honestly karen you might as well skip at this point

 **whatsurdamage** : aLSO MAC’s PHONE IS BLASTINF FIREFLIES WHY

 **macandcheese:** oh shoot i forgot to pit it on siletn

 **whatsurdamage:** aaaaand,,, there goes her phone

 **whatsurdamage:** a moment of silence for our fallen hero

 **orandge:** that’s a great idea veronica i’ll just skip who wants to come with me :-)

 **caddy:** ja Nis

 **gaylien:** dhfknmdg present

 **caddy:** skip ? :) we can watch movies

 **air-bud:** :-)*

 **gaymian:** we aren’y doing this again

 **gaymian:** n o s e s s h ou l d  be e x te r m i n a ted

 **gaylien:** hell yeah

 **gaylien:** caddy where are you

 **fetchdiscoball:** not this again

 **fetchdiscoball:** kare im coming

 **air-bud:** i value my education and i will not skip

 **gaymian:** no you’re skipping with us to make sure we all dont die

 **air-bud:** no

 **gaymian:** yes i will force you to if it is the last thing i do dasdg

 **whatsurdamage:** mac says yes, need to get her phone tho

 **whatsurdamage:** Time For Some Spy Shit

 **air-bud:** oh no

 **Queen_Bee:** I’ll skip with you guys.

 **gaymian:** ask her if bugs have noses

 **whatsurdamage:** I TRIED BUT I ASKED HER IF NSOED HAVE BUGS SFDKJGAS

 **macandcheese:** i got my phone back tho so it was effective

 **whatsurdamage:** you’re welcome <3

 **macandcheese:** thank  <3

 **gaymian:** G AY

 **macandcheese:** no u

 **gaymian:** hhrRJAK

 **gaylien:** i mean she’s not wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> martha is too pure to text in class
> 
> tune in next time for more Shenanigans™


	4. Yeeting Into Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cady - caddy  
> Janis - gaylien  
> Damian - gaymian  
> Regina - Queen_Bee  
> Gretchen - fetchdiscoball  
> Karen - orandge  
> Aaron - air-bud  
> Veronica - whatsurdamage  
> Heather McNamara - macandcheese  
> Martha - fluffywingedunicorns  
> Heather Chandler - cornnutsandchainsaws  
> Heather Duke - moby_duke

_Chaos, 9:30 am_

**gaymian:** where are we oging

 **gaymian:** and who’s car are we taking

 **Queen_Bee:** We can take my car, but we need another to fit all of us.

 **fetchdiscoball:** we can take mie!

 **Queen_Bee:** Veronica, Heather, and Aaron can come with me.

 **fetchdiscoball:** okay everyone else get to my car

 **fetchdiscoball** : kare i’ll come get you <3

 **gaymian:** i”M HERE

 **gaymian:** I’M QUEER

 **gaylien:** AND I’M QUEER T OO

 **caddy** : we’re nyooming over rn

 **caddy:** HE C C adsbhfrvj

 **air-bud:** rip cady heron, she will not be missed

 **gaylien** : E X C U S E

 **air-bud:** one person will miss you*

 **gaymian:** just hurr y

 **gaylien:**  sO RR y we had to hide from a teachcer

 **whatsurdamage:** mac and i just  e s c a p e d

 **macandcheese:** regina i see you

 **Queen_Bee:** Heather and Veronica have been acquired.

 **Queen_Bee:** You better hurry, Aaron, or we’re leaving without you.

 **air-bud:** okay go ahead and leave without me

 **gaymain:** aaRON I SWEAR I WILL YEET BACJ INTO THAT SCHOOL AND DRAG YOU TO THSI CAR

 **air-bud:** ;-)

 **air-bud:**  f i ne im com ing

 **gaymain:** gOOD  
**gaylien:** okay so are we all just going to ignore the winky face???

 **caddy:** hhH

 **gaymian:** asgkdaghlkl

 **air-bud:** skskksss

 **macandcheese:** air bud has yeeted into the car

 **whatsurdamage:** this is why i love you  <3

 **gaymian:** gay

 **whatsurdamage:** yes

 **macandcheese:** <3

 **macandcheese:** shut the hell ur mouth

 **caddy:** abhsdfskj car

 **gaylien:** she means we’re in the car

 **gaymian:** okay we’re going to pick up karen and then we're goimg to my house where i will proceed to nurder you all kn my basement

 **gaylien:** nurder

 **air-bud:** nurder

 **caddy:** nurder

 **whatsurdamage:** nurder

 **macandcheese:** n UR  DE R

 **gaymian:** “the precious cargo has been acquired” - gretchen

 **orandge** : im in tbe car! :-D

 **air-bud:** the CARgo

 **air-bud:** thank you, thank you, i must be going now

 **gaymian:** once we are in the same room i am punching you i nthe face

 **air-bud:** ;-)

 **gaylien** : hHHadkflaJfKKjahsHkaJ

 **caddy:** mood

 **Queen_Bee:** First of all, “nurder”. Second of all, we're at your house, Damian.

 **fetchdiscoball:** us too!

 **whatsurdamage:** ohhh wait

 **whatsurdamage** : can i invite two of my friends over?

 **gaymian** : sur e

 **macandcheese:** the heathers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ready for some more shenanigans™
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> these typos are genuine and our trash typing skills


	5. ;-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> damian the disappointed dad™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cady - caddy  
> Janis - gaylien  
> Damian - gaymian  
> Regina - Queen_Bee  
> Gretchen - fetchdiscoball  
> Karen - orandge  
> Aaron - air-bud  
> Veronica - whatsurdamage  
> Heather McNamara - macandcheese  
> Martha - fluffywingedunicorns  
> Heather Chandler - cornnutsandchainsaws  
> Heather Duke - moby_duke

_Chaos, 10:03 am_

 

_whatsurdamage has added cornnutsandchainsaws and moby_duke to the chat_

 

 **cornnutsandchainsaws:** wh omst

 **moby_duke:** veronica we are in c la s s

 **moby_duke:** and wgo are these h uma n s

 **whatsurdamage:** these are my Special Friends

 **air-bud** : ;-)))

_gaymian has left the chat_

**air-bud:** oh n o(se)

 **gaylien:** this is why we can’t have nice thinsgs

 **gaylien:** you fukcign basketball dog

 **air-bud:** fite me on my micnecraft server

 **moby_duke:** basketball dog???

 **gaylien:** air bud??

 **moby_duke:** wh at i s tha t ?

 **gaylien:** you uncultured swine

_gaylien has added gaymian to the chat_

**cornnutsandchainsaws:** ve r on  ica

 **cornnutsandchainsaws:**  ca N y OU E XPL AIN

 **whatsurdamage:** okay get over here:

_whatsurdamage has sent their location_

**whatsurdamage:** one of us one of us

 **cornnutsandchainsaws:** explain frst

 **moby_duke:** eggsplain veronica eggsplain

 **gaymian:** @aaron i swear i will punch you when you walk through this door

 **air-bud:** h iguys uh i;m going back to school now bye

 **Queen_Bee:** Nope, you’re staying here.

 **air-bud:** rip me

 **whatsurdamage:** hi these are my firneds

 **whatsurdamage:** we’re skipping school so yall better join us or else

 **cornnutsandchainsaws:** already on our way

 **fetchdiscoball:** n y o o m

 **gaymian:** okay everyone inside

 **gaymian:** yes you too aaron

 **air-bud:** youre not my dad(dy)

_gaymian has left the chat_

**gaylien:** aaron i swear t o god

 **air-bud:** don’t swear

 **gaylien:** honestly i am tempted to leave thsi chatr too

 **caddy:** no please don’t

 **caddy:** also aaRON WHAT THE H EL L

 **air-bud:** oh b o y  s he sw e ar

 **gaylien:** aaron r un

_caddy has added gaymian to the chat_

**air-bud:** i’m sorry :,-(

 **caddy:** no he’s not

 **air-bud:** tru

 **gaymian:** honestly i’m not even going to bother punching him

 **gaymian:** i’ll just pretend he doesnt exist

 **gaymian:** will make things easier

 **gaylien:** ;)

 

_private chat between gaylien and gaymian_

**gaylien:** okya damian somethigns up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHALL WE INITIATE THE DAMIAN


	6. INITIATING THE DAMIAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we're alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cady - caddy  
> Janis - gaylien  
> Damian - gaymian  
> Regina - Queen_Bee  
> Gretchen - fetchdiscoball  
> Karen - orandge  
> Aaron - air-bud  
> Veronica - whatsurdamage  
> Heather McNamara - macandcheese  
> Martha - fluffywingedunicorns  
> Heather Chandler - cornnutsandchainsaws  
> Heather Duke - moby_duke

**gaymian:** uh

**gaymian:** sweaty what do you mean :) ) )) )  )) )) ) 

**gaylien:** youre being mean

**gaylien:** what’s going on 

**gaymian:** im always rude what r u talkin abt

**gaylien:** valid but ur being more rude than normal

**gaylien:** escpecially to

**gaymian:** bitch no

**gaylien:** aarbasketball dog

**gaymian:** th o t

**gaylien:** really though, are you okay?   
**gaymian:** lack of typos

**gaymian:** this is serious,,,

**gaymian:** so

**gaymian:** i’m really gay

**gaylien:** wow couldn’t have guessed

**gaymian:** and uh,,

 

**gaymian:** i like a guy

**gaylien:** mhm

**gaylien:** who is the guy

**gaymian:** aaron

_ gaymian has blocked gaylien _

**gaylien:** SCREENSHOTTED

**gaylien:** I’M COMING FOR YOUR BRAND GRETCHEN

 

_ Chaos, 10:25 am _

**air-bud:** damian looks ma d

**gaylien:** i have /no idea why/

**gaylien:** anyways who wants to play a game

**caddy:** what kind of game ;)

**air-bud:** ;

**air-bud:** -

**air-bud:** )

**caddy:** no

**macandcheese:** hide and seek 

**caddy:** YE A S

**whatsurdamage:** mac says yes… sso i say eys

**gaylien:** if cady wants to thsn asure 

**orandge:** yeah! !  ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!!  ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!!  ! !! ! ! ! 

**fetchdiscoball:** alright! usre if karen want s t o

**cornnutsandchainsaws:** we’re almost there, and hide & seek sounds gucci

**Queen_Bee:** You guys are too gay to make your own choices, apparently. 

**Queen_Bee:** Hide and seek is a kid’s game...

**Queen_Bee:** but who am I to say no? 

**gaylien:** alright thots we’re playing it

**gaymian:** hide + seek is rad ig

**air-bud:** why are you all texting we’re all in the same room;;

**caddy:** because moving our vocal cords to produce sound is harder than moving our thumbs to send digital messages 

**caddy:** or maybe i just don’t like the sound of your voice 

**caddy:** *dabs*

**gaylien:** caddy,,, sweaty,,, no.

**gaymian:** honey no

**air-bud:** cady did you just actUALLY DAB

**caddy:** mayyybeeee

**gaylien:** ...she did

**gaylien:** and hit me in the face while dabbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry we're still alive
> 
> school is a jerk sbhfdj
> 
>  
> 
> we'll update more soon uwu


End file.
